School Holidays; Day eighteen.
This was how long it took for me to hit the wall.
Truthfully, they were beginning to annoy me by lunchtime on Day 6. But it wasn’t until Day Eighteen that drinking from a bathtub of vodka with a straw began to seem like a good idea.
I want to be a mother. I love my children.
Why is this happening to me?
And I know I’ve beat this drum before but my parents didn’t spend entire school holidays entertaining me, why the hell are my kids demanding it?
Am I the only one who doesn’t want to play find the chalk circle amongst all the other chalk drawings on the garden pavement?
The days are a long, they feel like groundhog day: Mummy! Want! Need! Can I have! Me! Meeeeeeeeee! Ok, it’s not as bad as that but it feels like it at time’s.
I know, I know. Kids are renowned for getting bored during the holidays. Parents are renowned for drinking vodka baths through straws. I know.
And yet here I am, hitting walls and wondering how many more days are going to be like this. On Day Eighteen.
I’m not sure this is normal. Or at least, I’m not sure the level of my tension yesterday was normal. I was really tense. Maybe its the rain that is getting to me and how my demonic like children are driving me crazy.
The other day I had a moment with J.
J, being 21 months old and also being J, was distraught about something that made no rational sense to me. It’s possible I was, like the tyrant that I am, closed the kitchen door to stop him getting into the cupboards. After trying to soothe and reason for several minutes, I had enough (there’s that wall again). J likes to whine and cuddle at the same time. Personally, I value my hearing.
J: (loudest whinge in the world as he clings to me) Ahhhhhhhhhh-haaaaaaaaaaaa!
Me: J, what’s wrong? Calm down and have a cuddle.
J: (more whinging, more clinging) waaaaah waaah!
Me: (growing increasingly more annoyed) J, please stop that whinging!
J (hysteria) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! As I walked away.
Me: (matching hysteria) J – shhhhhh!!
He did not shhh. Perhaps he couldn’t or didn’t want to hear me over his own deafening discontent.
E: Mummy, he is just whinging!
Me: I know that, E, but he can’t keep whinging when he doesn’t get his own way.
E: But mummy, you made him whinge and cry by closing the kitchen door.
We stared at each other for a moment and then I could not help it; I began to laugh. And then we were all laughing. Being pulled up on something like that by a six year old shouldn’t be funny. But it was.
It’s these moments that save us all – if we let them. When the kids play up or do something naughty. I Sometimes feel like I’m trapped in that moment with them forever but mostly, they just want to get back to being loved by you.
I can’t fail to mention that I am loving the school holidays and having E around. It’s lovely to have them both at home and to have some family time. Its the clashes. the tears and whinges that really get to me. From both of them.
I love them, I really do and without a doubt I will be lost without them.
But 24/7 with them is currently hard work.
I hope that does not mean I’m not a good mother.