7 signs that your kids have taken over your house

After a series of frenzied attempts to clean-up my house over Christmas  I discovered some distinctive traits about the way E has  ‘styled’ our home over the last three years..

Let me know if you agree with any of these 7 tell-tale signs that your kids have taken over your house:

1.    Your walls, windows, mirrors and doors are decorated with distinctive ‘designer’ wallpaper.  This shows a tell-tale watermark throughout your house where only sticky hand prints and dirty trail marks remain after the most recent tidal wave of playtime destruction has washed through. The mottled remains of scribbled artwork removed vigorously with gumption add depth to this distinctive ‘designer’ look.

2.    Your bathroom is ’embellished’ with one or all of the following:

1. Sodden bath toys heavy with soap scum and slick with suspect slime.
2. Fragrant, minty toothpaste smears across the sink/mirror/floor/shower screen
3. Curious artwork on the mirror and shower screen comes to life with the addition of steam from curious tongues, noses and fingers.

3.    There’s a distinctive stain/s on the rug/carpet that never completely scrubbed out from:

1. An over-confident cordial incident
2. Smeared chocolate
3. A sigh-inducing wee puddle from a toilet training toddler
4. All of the above

4.    There’s a sticky, tacky texture on the surfaces throughout your house from the kitchen sides and dining table through to your patio chairs and floor. A familiar (but grating) ‘schlick’ sound echoes through your rarely quiet house as you walk your bare feet across the kitchen vinyl.

5.    Your fridge looks more like a pop art studio than the blank, reflective surface that it was when you first purchased it. Primary colours punctuate crape paper crafts and hand print artworks that are plastered across your fridge with chunky alphabet fridge magnets and birthday party and christening invitations.

6.    Your lounge/sofa has been used like a giant tissue/serviette and therefore is embellished with an intriguing array of bodily fluids, dirt, sand, food products and art and craft supplies. Thank god we have washable throws.

7.    When you finally flop on the lounge to vegetate in front of the TV after lights-out you:

1. Sit on a noisy toy causing a cacophony of loud, child-waking noises that vibrate from underneath the lounge cushion
2. You can’t find the remote because it’s been hidden amongst an array of toys.
3. The channel is stuck on NickJnr and due to the remote being hidden somewhere you’re forced to watch Diego and Dora attempt to save a baby fur seal from an oil slick .