Take care of yourself. Make sure you get enough rest. Have some time to yourself.
Those are statements I have heard a million times. It is hard, when you are a stay at home parent and wife to a Royal Marine, to take time for yourself. Just when you sit down to take a breath, someone needs something from you. I don’t think that is a bad thing, to be needed and wanted. But I will admit, from time to time, I get overwhelmed with my responsibilities adulthood brings. Trying to juggle running the home, looking after E, being married to a marine and my none existent social life can really be a strain, especially when you are trying to please everyone.
I can not think of a time in my life where I have been more stressed out. I remember thinking University finals were stressful. Then I started working in the entertainment world and that could be stressful and demanding. Wait, having a husband and a baby was stressful, demanding and overwhelming too.
I think I do a pretty good job of keeping it together, from looking after E, school runs, doctors appointments and house duties, but lately I just have not been feeling like my normal self. I have become easily fatigued, grouchy and unmotivated. It seems like I have been this way for years, but reality it’s only a month or so. Everything I tried to feel better wasn’t working.
I think I feel this way more so at the moment as M has gone back to work after having three weeks off, but not only has he gone back to work he has gone away. Only for a couple of weeks but even so the stress levels have increased. I got used to having someone else here to help with everything from jobs around the house to entertaining E, and all of a sudden its gone.
On this occasion the adjustment period for E was a lot harder, she was used to having her daddy around but just like a flick of a switch he is away again. This has resulted in a few more tantrums, some general upset and some very odd demands. It isn’t a chore looking after E but it can be hard work.
I have no family living near by to occasionally help out, my father was in the RAF and I know that my mum had no help either and she coped perfectly fine, but does that mean I should do too?
I think my real problem is sanity, don’t get me wrong I am not saying I am medically insane, even though I may sometimes feel that way. What I need is to escape from the four walls and talk to adults, a social life of sorts would be nice. Join a camera club, take a dance class, go to the gym, activities I enjoy and that can be social. However, I am unable to do that, I can never predict when M will be away next, I cannot pay for fee’s upfront on classes as I don’t know from one week to the next if I will be able to go, it can be really frustrating.
Now that E has started pre school last week there are two whole days a week I have to myself, people kept saying to me ‘you wont know what to do with yourself’, I must admit it is strange and eerily quiet when E is at preschool but it is a peace I enjoy. Looking after a temperamental, hyperactive, demanding three-year can be hard work, and the opportunity to have a break from it all is welcomed.
Now my time has come to try to have some me time, I am essentially a single mum as M is away with work so much so it’s a chance for me to take a break. I might not be able to do all the things I want to and as most people work during the day so the few friends I have are working. I have been considering my options and I need a way to release my stress and to become a calmer person and the only option I can think of at a moment is joining a gym. It would be great to get fit and maybe speak to some grown adults, I just need to bite the bullet and do something about it.
But until then its time for a glass of wine to relax ready for another day when it all starts again.
Do any other mum’s struggle to get me time too?
