There’s something about single mums. A sense of unity. An instant understanding. Almost a bond, even with women who we have never met before.
It’s because being a single mum is unique. We share similar challenges, we push similar boundaries, and we deal with similar emotions
Single mums just “get” one another. They know how you struggle daily and how everything is a challenge.
I asked a few single mum friends how they feel and cope with the changes in their life. Hopefully you will resonate with a few of these things, if you are in the same situation.
How am I supposed to do that?
Let’s face it, having a man in your life certainly has its advantages and when you are suddenly single you will be faced with challenges you never knew existed. Your inner strength and willpower will be tested at every turn as you flex your hands trying to discover the super powers it takes to open a jar of pasta sauce.
Trust me, there will be a point where you remember to take the bins out, you actually start the lawnmower first time, and you work out how reach the top shelf!
Welcome to life as a single mum.
I shouldn’t be buying this.
Life as a single mum is about having hair that’s splitting and inches of regrowth. But, school fees are due and little Johnny needs new shoes and there is no end in sight.
Should you just shave your head? Unless you have the bone structure to pull off a buzz cut, the universe is not going to implode if you get a haircut or a new pair of butt-lifting jeans and pamper yourself a little.
Remember, you’re creating a new life for yourself as well as your children. This means boosting your self esteem, and being a content single mum, not a resentful one.
I’m actually feeding my children cereal for dinner.
I don’t know about your children, but mine are fussy eaters. I am constantly fighting with them to eat vegetables. “I don’t like this meal” is a common phrase.
But at the end of the day, if they want cereal, that’s what I give them. And while a few years ago this would have made me feel guilty, now i realise any food is good food… As long as they don’t ask for a boiled egg! Seriously that is my shocking confession.. i have never boiled an egg. However, in my defence i don’t like eggs and my youngest has an egg intolerance.
Did I just say that?
All mums say things to try and black mail your children into doing things. Being a single mum i have found myself doing more of that. From the I will tell your teacher you are behaving like that. The tooth fairy couldn’t get to your bed due to all the toys in the way. You get the idea, anything goes. Sometimes i find myself laughing at the things i say.
I need Wine
This one was something every single mum i spoke to mentioned. I must admit i do really enjoy a glass of wine these days.
How will they be affected
Feeling guilty over your relationship break down is normal.
I honestly don’t think it matters who is at fault. As mothers we are going to feel guilty for anything and everything when it comes to our children.
But you know why your relationship broke-down. Your children may not understand today, one day they will and two holidays a year and fun time with both parents will be viewed as good thing. Hopefully everyone will be as happy as they can.
I don’t want them to go
This is a common feeling with single mums.
Having to share your children is rubbish. Weekends or even weeks without them is really hard.
I know they are safe; I know they are cared for. But letting go of your children and entrusting someone else to parent who haves them occasionally. Someone who has a different of rules is not an easy feat. It makes it even more interesting when there is a new partner thrown into the mix. Regular contact with your children when they are away helps.
Yes, it can be difficult but you will come to appreciate this time as a way to unwind, recharge and invest in yourself. It is one of the benefits of co-parenting. And your children will always know where home is.
Do I really have to put up with my ex until the children are 18 and beyond
You are definitely not alone in thinking this!
But in many cases, it is possible to come to an arrangement with your ex that is both civilised and consistent. As a whole if you are able to be amicable after a marriage breaks down then that is great.
Sometimes we can forget how small and vulnerable our children are. They need as much stability as possible. And at the end of the day they so important.
As time changes everything becomes easier.
I am never going to find someone.
This is something that is not on my radar at the moment. When a marriage ends all self esteem gets jumped up and down on hundreds of time.
But, we have all thought this and when you have children it is an even scarier prospect introducing someone new into their lives. Dating with kids is not an easy thing to do.
One thing to consider, you will never be happy with someone else until you find happiness within yourself first.
Take some time, rebuild yourself, adjust. The children are the most important aspect in my life right now.
This is so hard … I am so lucky
One moment you’re close to loosing it, knowing you will not yell at them when surrounded by grown ups who will judge you.. The next moment you find yourself yelling at them because they don’t understand personal space and insist on pulling each others hair. Seperation is hard on them and to a certain extent they don’t truly understand.
Some days you wonder how you will get through the day.
But at the end of it all, when you’re sitting with your children reading a bedtime story, and kissing them goodnight your heart fills with love and you feel like the luckiest woman in the world.
