If you’re doing the ‘single mum thing’ you’ll know that it is HECTIC. Juggling kids/work/house is a full time job and more. You struggle to find a moments peace … even sitting on the toilet.
For anyone looking in, the possibility that you might feel lonely is almost laughable. How on earth could you? You never stop!
Yet, this feeling is very common with single mums.
So, firstly (and slightly ironically) YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I know its a bit of a cliche. but it is true. And secondly, it is perfectly normal to feel lonely as a single mum.
Let’s look at some reasons why single mumming can be a lonely gig.
Expectation Vs Reality
For many (not all) being a single mum was not the plan. You may have earnestly believed your marriage was for life and had visions of growing old together, downsizing and caring for the grandkids as a team. That vision, with that person … has gone.
And yes, its a lonely feeling. Even if there was a sense of relief when a marriage ends, it doesn’t stop you from feeling lonely.
Finding a new norm on your own when you are not really sure what that new norm is, is scary. Navigating your new path without your ex, however much you drove each other mad, is a solitary journey.
Luckily, difficult endings eventually lead to new beginnings and your new path will have lots of surprises. You will adapt and love being single. The chances are you will meet some incredible people on the way to your single mum journey.
Friendship Changes
Friends you may have had as a couple will may change. Friendship groups may change, and that can make you feel lonely. You loose half a family who you became friends with and cared for… all that goes as it is the family of your ex.
You need friends in your life to make you feel valued, to share your experiences, to laugh with and to cry with.
If, for whatever reason, you lose friends after your breakup (their loss btw) rest assured that wonderful new people will come into your world. You may feel isolated for a period of time, but it will only be a phase to work through. Everything with a marriage break up or separation is just a phase and things will get better.
Lonely Evenings
When it comes to feeling lonely as a single mum, evenings and weekends are the trigger times. This is because these are the times you would be doing something with your partner and family.
Let’s start with the evenings. That moment you’ve been longing for all day, when the kids are in bed and the house is finally quiet. YES! Peace. At. Last. But its then you miss the company of an adult, someone to talk to.
Now is the time embrace all that is good about being single. Take advantage of having sole control of the remote then hurl yourself diagonally across your bed … that is, if little people haven’t beat you to it.
Lonely Weekends
When it comes to co-parenting their are days or weekends when you are child free. This sounds wonderful right? But the reality is the house is quiet and im at a loss what to do.
I like to try planning my weekends ahead, knowing what to do.. stops me sitting around thinking what am i going to do. A healthy mix of fun and downtime makes for a child free weekend.
Attending Events
This one can be hard, a wedding , christening, birthday or something else. Being the odd one out so to say.
I am sure you can relate when I talk about being the only single person in a room full of couples. Or trying to whizz around a school parent’s evening for two kids with said kids plonked in the corner of the hall with iPads and strict instructions NOT TO MOVE. Or simply not being able to attend because, well … I’m a single mum and have no-one to look after the kids.
This will get easier, the kids will get older. I have been told everything will change in time.
The Single Mum Stigma
Yep, its a thing! There will be times when you will be overlooked for that simple reason that you are a single mother. Cue: Feelings of loneliness and isolation What get’s me more than anything is that people who don’t know you, come to assumptions that are no accurate.
If this happens to you please remember that it is disgraceful, short-sighted behaviour from small-minded, unempathetic people who can’t see further than the end of their noses. Point made…..
Being a single mum is hard, i have been told that it will however get better in time. I am trying to look at the positives of co -parenting, i do however think it will take a long timetime to look.
There are a lot of single mums around. You don’t have to look far to find other fabulous single mums who are surviving and thriving.
That will be you and me. However it is a long walk to accepting and dealing with any loneliness you may feel.
