As a newly single parent, it can take a while to get your feet planted firmly beneath you.
You may feel as though life has thrown you upside down and you’re drowning in custody schedules and bills you never knew existed.
But underneath all the stress , there are little people you’re doing all of this for.
Single mums face unique challenges, co-parenting, exes, limited time with our children, etc. Figuring out how to be the best single mum all boils down to a little bit of common sense and a whole lot of intentional parenting.
Check out these 10 tips to help you become the best single mum you can be
Don’t Bad Mouth Your Ex
Keeping your mouth shut about your ex around your children can be difficult, especially if you hear negative talk from your children about you from your ex.
But this is where you must rise to be the better person.
One day your kids will notice this character trait in you. Whether you choose the higher road or lower road, your child is watching.
It’s vital for your children to make their own decisions about their parents.
Yes, you may know the other parent’s shortcomings and may even feel like you should warn your children of them. But your children need to form their own decisions about their parents.
Time Alone With Each Child
Spend time alone with each child each day. Yes, I know we often don’t get very much time with our children as is and it may seem difficult at first. But once you start, you will see it is not only doable but completely worth it.
I only see my children for maybe two hours a day on a school day. They are in a rush before school then there are a couple of hours after school, during this time there is homework, making dinner and other times they will play out with friends. Then some weekends, i don’t see them aside from an hour before bed on a Sunday.
I’m sure your experience has similar challenges. But it’s for this reason they need our undivided attention. I found that just 10 minutes can be magical. Fit it in at bedtime, extending bedtime by 10 minutes if necessary.
Time For Yourself
Make time for yourself daily or at a minimum, weekly. Self-care can be just 15 minutes.
Make a list of 50 things you enjoy doing. It can simple things: crafting, taking a bath, a hot shower, reading, walking the dog, sitting outside while you have a hot drink etc. Keep this list somewhere you can see it every day.
Find something to do from this list daily.
Take The Help
I was recently told help is everywhere. We don’t realise it or see it because we are accustomed to saying, “no, thank you, im ok”
Accept help wherever it’s offered and in whatever form. Does someone offer to drop your child off on the way to take their child somewhere? Yes, please.
Someone let you go in front of them in line, pick something up for you, or offer to do their job? Take it.
Maybe someone is just nice. Let them do something nice for you. When things calm down for you, you will repay the favor to another overburdened mom someday.
Accepting help relieves your stress, and you are less likely to take it out at home on your precious ones.
Single Mum Guilt No More
I don’t care if it’s been two months or 2 years; your guilt isn’t serving anyone. It’s certainly not helping you be a good single mum when all your focus is on your guilt.
>Letting go of guilt is the most critical thing single mums can quit stressing about.
Any guilt that you might be carrying around due to your divorce or separation is not helping your relationship with your children.
Instead, look for activities you can do with your children. Or ways to make a positive family in this new world you are in – a single parent family.
Your child cares much less about all of that then they do about your love, comfort, and security.
Goals And Dreams
Before I became a single parent, I didn’t mess with this goal setting business.
But then I began to realise I had total control over everything in my house now. All this control was both what I’d hope for and overwhelming.
The time I spent with my children quickly became clear to me that I needed to make it intentional time. Although I am the primary caretaker, I still have whole weekends without them. I want those times we are together to count.
As for everything else, I was now in charge of: the house, money, school, etc., if I didn’t have a solid plan, things wouldn’t get done.
Things like mowing the lawn. Or even buying a lawn mower slipped my mind.
If single mums feel out of control in their own lives, then stress quickly follows.
Naturally, you’ll want to vent to someone, but as a single parent, we don’t have a partner at home to vent to. So, we bottle things up inside and our kids, unfortunately, fall onto our cranky side.
If your goal is to be a good mom, you’ll need to break it down from there and get more specific and actionable. Set aside about a half hour to think about how you want your life to look.
Support Systems
A reliable support system can be hard to find. Some single mums do not have family nearby. And even if you do you may not want to call on them.
Plus making friends as a single mum can be difficult. It can be an isolating experience for quite a few years.
But your support system doesn’t have to be a best friend or your sister. It can be the neighbor next door you call on when you need some help.
Routines For You
Find a routine that works for you. Your routine as a single parent family is going to be different than all the traditional family advice you see. You have a completely different schedule which most likely revolves around your ex, a custody schedule and possibly even finding time to see other people. The sooner you accept this, the easier it’ll be for you.
Family dinners will be different for you. Bedtime and morning routines may differ for you.
When it comes to your family’s routine, it’s essential you don’t look at what others are doing.
What makes your family happy, and what works for you? My youngest will sometimes climb into bed with me on a morning. I have been told why its not a good thing. Sometimes you will do anything for extra sleep. Also he is happy, feels secure. I do the best i can do.
Let The Little Things Go
There’s so much we can all work on to let go. But here I’m referring to the little things our kids do.
Think about how often we tell our children “no” to things simply because it annoys us or we don’t think it should be done.
There’s no immediate threat to your child’s safety, or it won’t make them grow up to be a monster if they run through the sprinkler when you’re out for a walk, if she crab walks instead of walks upright to the dinner table, or digs for worms right after a bath.
I don’t know what silly things you say no to. But all it does it stop your child from being a child and raise your irritability because most likely you have to say no multiple times.
Relax and ask yourself if it really matters. Kids are washable and need to get their energy out physically, instead of emotionally – on you.
Children As Sounding Boards
Being a single parent can be a lonely experience. At times you may be tempted to talk to your children, especially older children, as friends. However, they are still children, and your priority is to be their parent. Not their friend.
It’s simply not fair to children for an adult to use children to “vent.”
Comparison
We’ve all seen that mom at the PTA or the old high school friend who keeps posting those pictures. She looks happy all the time, perfect kids, and of course, happily married.
Instead, turn her off. Turn off all of your triggers in this area. Turn off Facebook, or hide all the “happily, married mums” if you need to.
Of course, we know in our head that their lives aren’t all fairies and cupcakes. That image is only what they chose to show the world. But if hiding others from your social media feed is what you need to do to protect your heart, then by all means.
We all deal with situations differently, do what is right for yourself and your family. After all each and every situation is unique. What is important is to be the best single mum you can be.
