Being a stay at home mum to E can be hard work, fun and rewarding, but still hard work.. Some times I think being a stay at home mum really must be harder than going to work full-time (unless you are a parent with a job and still have to be a hardworking mummy!) Reflecting on everything I do with Emily and things I have to do, I think the job description for my position might be a bit like this.
Required Knowledge, Skills, and Abilities
Above average skills in: The maintenance of a variety of special sticks, leaves and flowers.
Must be able to identify and look after important sticks, stones and flowers selected from parks or on the street.. E will need to be kept updated of the movements of any special items (Yes darling your daisies are still in my handbag.)
Any loss of these items will be gross misconduct and punishment will be in the form of a tantrum.
Candidates will be expected to play a version of Hide & Seek which involves occasionally hiding and counting to ten to then pretend not to be able to see E standing in front of year or behind the sofa.
Excellent skills in: Supervising E with basic tasks.
All offers of help are guaranteed to make the task in hand at least twice as difficult but must not ever be refused.
(Yes E, you can help me put the washing on the line, cue socks all over the pavement)
Demonstrated ability to: Consume vast quantities of both imaginary and plastic food.
Must be able to understand the complicated rules surrounding pretend picnics. will be expected to keep up with constant changes in these rules which will happen frequently.
General knowledge of: Animal noises and actions.
You will be expected to demonstrate animal noises .
Other: This position would suit applicants with a poor sense of smell or even no sense of smell whatsoever
Education and Experience
Degree or equivalent experience: Must have a firm grasp of the alphabet and be able to count to 20. Although if you do struggle with these basics no one will know.
The role would suit people with friends who have children of a similar age. Or friends who don’t mind bad smells,
Physical Demands
The role is physically demanding and will entail constant assault to the body and face from a wide range of plastic and wooden objects.
There will be biting.
There is no sick leave with the above position.
This in my eyes summarises some of the qualities required to be a stay at home mum to E and there are many more.
