We all feel it. Those times when we are unsettled. Perhaps a few things haven’t gone our way. Little things hold fast and refuse to let go. An equilibrium is unsettled and unwelcome thoughts keep rising despite being pushed down. It’s when we know we shouldn’t sweat the small stuff and yet the small stuff is dripping out of our pores. The word discombobulated comes to mind. That itchy, unpleasant discomfort. I’m not talking about the big issues here. I’m not talking about grief or loss. This is about how to get control back from the little thoughts that have no business taking up so much mind space.
It’s happened to me a few times lately. Nothing huge but small thing upon small thing. A rude person, struggling with home schooling. Feeling a bit down about not being as in control of my life like is once was. None of these things is insurmountable or life changing. None of these things is worthy of dragging me down, individually or in a spiraling collective. And yet they manage to.
This is what I do when I am in the thick of discombobulation, of worry.
Breathe. Just breathe. I take a moment and concentrate on slowing down and being aware of the act of breathing.
In that more settled state, I try to gain perspective. Is the thing I am worried about causing pain to my loved ones? Does it effect food on the table, a roof overhead or anyone’s health in a dramatic way? Will it matter in six month’s time? Will I even remember?
Armed with a clearer perspective, I think through whether my current reaction is serving me well or not. Mostly it’s not.
I turn my mind to whether is is actually an issue to worry about or if is simply something i have magnified to a size larger than it deserves.
Friendship
There are always different ways of dealing with the situation. Letting go might including ranting, it might be screaming , a vent to a friend or an angry email that I however have no intention of ever sending.
If it is an issue, then I work through what the solution might be. This is when I find it useful to talk to a good friend.
I find it helpful to work through a series of questions:
- Have I assumed anything?
- Do I have all the information available to enable me to make the best decision going forward?
- Hard one – do I need to accept some responsibility here? How do I do that?
- Can I actually do something about this now? Is this a realistic problem in the here and now?
- When do I intend to do something about it? I set a goal. It goes into the bullet journal. I’m serious. A problem solidified into a plan no longer seems like such a problem.
Having a friend to talk to, about any problems or things that are stressing you out is something i recommend, the best kind of therapy anyone can have. Especially when they understand what you are stressing about.
Once a plan has been sorted or I frequently realise that the thing I am worried about is a phantom, then I need to let the negative go. If I find my thoughts wandering back to what I have already sorted out, I ask myself why? I realise that this sounds completely woo-woo but it’s a valid question and one that generally redirects my thinking.
If I’m still bent up about it all, I probably haven’t come up with a solution that sits best with me. In that instance, I find sitting quietly helps. I usually realise there really is no need to worry about the little things.
And that’s it. My way of getting back to feeling settled. My way of dealing with discombobulation (you know I love that word).
